Inspired by a Twitter chat about Procedural Memory (i.e, the memory of how to do things without really thinking). It comes off as a fairly traditional TG story, actually-- so I guess that trope is out there already :)
Thanks to Liam Slade and Sara James for the inspiration!
https://liamslade.com
http://misssarajames.blogspot.com
With no further ado, here's 1500 odd words of silliness
--Maddy
“I’ve got to cover for you for two weeks?”
Mike was not happy. Kathy was the office slacker as it was. She was a cute, bubbly redhead who made you wait in anticipation for the hemlines of Spring. But she had a work ethic as minimal as the skirt she was wearing.
“I need a vacation bad,” she said.
“Joel’s taking you to some resort, eh? You think he’s going to propose?”
“That’s the thing. I need two weeks away from him. Just to clear my head.”
“Cold feet?”
“You know it.” Kathy sat down on Mike’s desk, swinging her feet. A stack of possibly important paperwork fell to the ground. “I just feel as if we’re rushing things. Dating, engagement, marriage, children.”
“You’re pregnant?”
“What?” Kathy looked horrified. “God, I hope not. No, I mean we’re just going through the motions, doing all the things people expect us to. It’s as if I’m just living automatically.”
“Great. You need to self-actualize; I get to do all your work in the meantime.”
“Oh, come on.” She looked thoughtful. It was a new look for her. “Listen, I’ll let you house sit for me.”
“Great. Want me to clean the place? Got any household repairs you need?”
Kathy waved her hand. “No need! Place takes care of itself, really. You get the run of the place, help yourself to the food and booze.”
Despite himself, Mike was tempted. Kathy had inherited an incredible Victorian house up in the hills. No real neighbors, just a few acres of land, garden and an awesome swimming pool. And right now, Mike could really use a soak in that jacuzzi of hers.
“You can drive my Mustang,” Kathy added. “I know you love that convertible.”
Mike sighed. “I do, but I have to be honest. I suck at driving stick.”
Kathy laughed, waving a dismissive hand. “I said something like that once, myself. Just don’t think about it and you’ll be fine.”
The house was beautiful, but Mike was too tired, and it was too dark to notice. Of course, Kathy had just started an account that he ended up handling. He’d do the groundwork; she’d swoop back from Barbados and get the credit. Same thing, different day.
Kathy had been right about him being able to drive stick. Mike was way too tired to think, and that made it easier. He managed to start it up, get on the highway and drive out to the house without even checking his phone for directions. Life was easier, it seemed, when you were a bit brain dead.
Words that Kathy no doubt lived by.
Feeling as if he’d lived here all his life, Mike waddled through the spacious living room, poured a drink and headed to the jacuzzi. He flipped on the stereo system, which was set to some pop band. At this point, he didn’t care. He stripped down, hopped in and knocked back his drink.
Had he made himself a Cosmopolitan? Whatever. He needed another.
The house was cold, so he grabbed a bathrobe hung next to the pool. Great. Of course, it would be pink. He should have been embarrassed, but hey. No one was around to see him. Easier than getting dressed again every time he wanted a drink. He went on to have several.
One champagne bottle later, Mike was more than ready for sleep. He didn’t usually drink that much, but it just seemed to happen. Definitely drunk now, he thought, giggling to himself.
Judging by the pink bedspread and heart shaped pillows, he’d ended up in Kathy’s room. Wasn’t there some rule about redheads not wearing pink? Then again, Kathy wasn’t one for rules.
Mike was lightheaded and tottering by this point. Something seemed wrong, but he couldn’t put a finger on it. He brushed his teeth, washed his face and put his hair up before collapsing into Kathy’s bed.
When he woke up and looked in the mirror, he saw Kathy’s twin sister staring back at him.
So that’s was what was wrong.
“Jesus Christ, Kathy!” Mike yelled into her new, pink covered iPhone. “Why didn’t you tell me your stupid house was cursed?”
“Hey! You weren’t supposed to sleep in my bed!” Kathy yelled back. “Oh god, tell me you didn’t use my toothbrush.”
“Who cares about that?”
“You totally did, didn’t you? Ugh. What were you thinking?”
“I wasn’t, to be honest. Just seemed to automatically happen.”
“That’s weird.”
“Not as weird as me having breasts and a vagina!” For fuck's sake. Mike now had the same stupid bubbly voice as Kathy.
“Calm down, Mike. Or whatever your name is now.”
Mike grabbed her handbag off the bedroom table and pulled out her wallet.
“Okay,” Mike said. “First off, I seem to have a purse. Just seemed to know that.”
“Yeah, the magic is like that.”
“Michelle Coronado. What the heck? That’s your last name.”
“Oh my God, really?” There was a pause. “Hey, we’re twins now. Cool, I even have a picture of us together in college. Not sure what you were thinking with that swimsuit, though.”
“You or me?”
“I assume that I’d be the better dressed one.”
“Unlike you, I wasn’t actually a girl back then.”
Kathy hummed tunelessly. “Sure, let’s go with that.”
“How about you go get on a plane, come back here and fix things?” Michelle found herself clenching her phone painfully. “Let me guess, you have no idea how to.”
“I think I’ve got an idea, but I don’t want to deal with this right now. Just hold tight for a while and we can talk things over when I get back.”
“WHAT? You want me to stay like this for two whole weeks?”
“Oh, quit whining. Assuming our periods are synched, you won’t even have to deal with tampons.”
“I’d kill you, but I really would like my balls back first.”
“That’s a girl! Just do a good job with the Ingersoll account, okay?”
Michelle rummaged around in her purse and found a company ID with her name on it. It had the same employee number that she’d always had. So much for getting out of covering for Kathy.
“Fine,” said Michelle.
“Also, don’t even think about looking up Joel. He’s got a thing for twins.”
“I assure you, the thought never crossed my mind.”
“I told you to stay away from Joel!” Kathy yelled, throwing a heart shaped pillow at Michelle.
“It just happened, okay?”
“How?”
“I was just out driving, right? And my thoughts kind of wandered and I ended up at his house. That’s all.”
Kathy flourished her phone. “That’s all? He posted this picture of you two.”
“Got to admit, I look pretty good in that dress.”
Kathy glared a redhead glare. “You look like a slut, if you ask me. Seriously, what’s with that cleavage?”
Michelle giggled. “It’s one of yours.”
“Just didn’t think about wearing it, did you?”
Michelle shrugged. “That’s what you kept telling me to do. I mean, I can’t even get a bra on if I try to think about it. So, I let myself zone out. Next thing I know, my hair and makeup were done, and I was driving out to Joel’s in your car.”
“In a slutty cocktail dress.”
“Your dress.”
“And you went out to dinner with my boyfriend!”
“Fiancé, now.”
Kathy screamed. “Yeah! About that…”
“Was I supposed to say no?”
“What were you thinking?”
“Told you,” Michelle said. “Wasn’t. Like you suggested.”
“Please God, tell me you didn’t sleep with him.”
Michelle coughed. “Well, I had already used your toothbrush…”
“I’m sorry I got so mad at you that day,” Kathy said. “But I had decided to break up with Joel, right? And then you screwed everything up. And you screwed him while you were at it.”
Michelle smiled and hugged her. “Good thing we’re twins. The Cordova sisters.”
“You’re not going to be a Cordova much longer. By the way, you look great in white.”
“You make an okay looking maid of honor, yourself.”
“Thanks, sis,” Kathy beamed. “Hey, not mad at me for not telling you about the curse? I mean, you ever miss being a guy?”
“Your giving up Joel helped.”
“And my house.”
“And the Mustang,” Michelle said. "That clinched the deal."
“That was the hardest part,” Kathy said. “Hey, do you think Joel knows? You know: that I’m really Kathy and you’re really Michelle?”
“If he does, he never says,” Michelle said. “Besides, he’s got a thing for twins.”
Kathy rolled her eyes. “Just glad both of you are so happy. Makes me feel better I never could reverse the magic. I really thought that when I returned everything would revert.”
Michelle patted her baby bump. “Might have had something to do with this kiddo being on their way.”
“Yeah, first swing at the ball and you knocked that one out of the park.” Kathy shook her head. “Seriously, why didn’t you use a condom?”
Michelle smiled as the Bridal March started.
“I wasn’t really thinking.”
